


System Diagnostics

by bramblePatch



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Android Lil Hal, Masturbation, Other, Robot Sex, nebulously post-canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-02
Updated: 2014-07-02
Packaged: 2018-02-07 02:38:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1881954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bramblePatch/pseuds/bramblePatch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hal has just been transferred into a new model of android body, and it has a few features he wasn't expecting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	System Diagnostics

**Author's Note:**

  * For [purpleWhimsies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/purpleWhimsies/gifts).



"-two, one, _and_ we're live."

Transfer from one platform to another is always a little disorienting, and it takes Hal a moment to adjust upon being booted up. Before he opens his eyes - because this body has actual retractable eyelids, protecting his artificial eyes from dust and also, at least in theory, providing just that bit more verisimilitude to his features and expressions - he takes a moment to take stock of himself. Cognitive applications, check. Memory recall, check, and small but noticeable degree faster than on the last system; he'll have to ask Dirk for the exact specifications, or maybe just hack into Dirk's records, because he _hadn't_ been expecting that. Hearing's fine. Sight... well, he hasn't gotten quite far enough to properly check that yet, but he can definitely detect light at the seam where his eyelids meet, so that's a good sign. Touch -

Well, that's the big one, the main upgrade this time. He can feel not only the pressure of the worktable under his back, but the coldness of the metal and the contrasting warmth of the air. And, for that matter, the much lighter pressure of a piece of folded cloth laid across his lap.

"We _are_ live, aren't we?" Dirk repeats from somewhere above him. Hal frowns a little - his new face is much more nuanced, too - and opens his eyes as he levers himself up onto his elbows. He takes a moment to look around the workshop; his color vision seems a little different; maybe he'll need to recalibrate it. But the resolution and focus is fine, and the surroundings are familiar, the shared robotics lab, different workstations demarcated less by any kind of barrier or boundary than just by the amount of random crap left lying around - Dirk's clutter, Jade's complete disaster zone, and on the other side of the room, Horuss's carefully spotless desk and Equius's intricately, chaotically organized mess of half-finished projects. The last is somewhat obscured, as the troll in question is leaning casually against the desk, watching.

Of course. Hal spent long enough sharing a sprite with the guy, he's not sure why he expected anything else.

"It seems you're a little impatient," he gripes, but there's no real anger behind it, and Dirk's answering sigh is half a chuckle.

"Well, excuse me for feeling a _little_ trepidation over the activation of the most advanced android model we've produced yet," Dirk replies. "Everything working ok?"

"I haven't found any malfunctions yet," Hal replies. "Although I'll point out that you didn't bother to actually give me a briefing of the features on this model before you installed me. Which is something we've _talked_ about, Dirk."

"Sorry," Dirk says, although he doesn't sound very sorry. "Mostly the same as the last model. The main upgrade is the pseudoskin. You've got full pressure, heat, and pain sensitivity in your face, torso, hands, and feet, and pain sensitivity everywhere. Don't go slamming your fingers in the door in this one. It'll hurt, and you might actually damage something other than the door."

"Can I just ask why I've got a towel in my lap?" Hal asks, and then, without waiting for an answer, chances a quick peek for himself. Again, he's not entirely sure why he expected anything other than what he finds, although it _is_ a bit of a surprise. "Oh. I thought we weren't going for anatomically correct yet."

"We had the technology," Equius says, speaking up for the first time. "Although I'd like to go on record that Dirk made the actual design choices."

"For the last time, that _is_ perfectly proportional," Dirk says with a scowl. Hal gets the feeling that he probably ought to be glad that he _hadn't_ been privy to this debate before, although it would have probably been nice to at least been asked his opinion. "If he wants troll junk or horse junk or something he can ask. But he's an artificial human with well over a decade worth of inherited false human memories so let's let him get started with human junk."

"No, really, this will do," Hal sighs, facepalming; even with the total idiocy of where this conversation has gone, he does take interested note that he can feel the gesture in both his hand _and_ his face. It's novel, and a welcome distraction.

"See?" Dirk sounds entirely too pleased with himself.

"I would, however, appreciate some time to acclimate to this body without the sensory distraction of having to listen to you two arguing," the android adds, rather pointedly.

"Is _that_ what we're calling it these days?" Dirk quips, but he's obliging enough in vacating the lab and taking the troll with him. Equius at least has the good grace to look embarrassed as he's herded out the door, but then, Equius often looks at least a little embarrassed.

 

To be honest, Hal's request for privacy had actually been _meant_ fairly innocently, but he finds that once the auditory distraction is gone, the tactile sensations almost seem amplified. He's tempted for a moment to see if there's a way to turn it off, but if this body's actually delicate enough to _need_ that kind of sensitivity, that's probably not a great idea. Besides, a cursory check through the autoresponder-android interface doesn't immediately turn up the solution, so he'd have to either find Dirk's notes or ask Dirk. And he's suddenly aware that he's not sure if anyone thought to leave him any clothes.

He sits the rest of the way up, moving to dangle his feet off the edge of the workbench again, and glances under the modesty towel again. Yup. That sure is a dick.

Ok. Right. Let's take some inventory here. Face - blinks, smiles, frowns, yawns. He'll have to find a mirror pretty soon; he _really_ hopes it looks lifelike enough to avoid the uncanny valley phenomenon. Hands are dexterous, more sensitive on the palms than the backs; the texture of his skin as he runs his fingers over his palms and wrists is oddly pleasant. As he'd been told, pressure and heat sensitivity drop off sharply between the wrist and shoulder, although there's still a bit there.

Torso: narrower and smoother than previous models, but Hal thinks that's ok; the older models always felt a bit like a suit of armor, or a cartoonish robot. Which of course he's a robot, but that doesn't mean he as to live up to unnecessary stereotypes. He can feel every brush of his fingers here, too; across his chest and over his belly and up and down his sides - and, yes, below the waist, too. He's only... well, ok, he's _not_ only human, but he's a reasonable facsimile of a human in his late teens, and he reaches down to carefully investigate the new addition to this model of his body, fingers carefully circling the base of his cock.

It feels _really weird_ and entirely new, but not, he thinks, exactly unpleasant. Experimentally, he lets his fingers trail along the length of the appendage, and then back toward his body.

Ok, yeah, that's not unpleasant at all. He tries it again, and a third time, and in that corner of his awareness that has nothing to do with the sensory apparati connected to the outside world, there's now a little notice demanding his attention:

_Physical stimulation detected. Engage pelvic erectile pneumatic system?_ [ _Yes._ ] [ _No_ ]

Aw, why the hell not? 

_Physical stimulation detected. Engage pelvic erectile pneumatic system?_ [ _ **Yes.**_ ] [ _No_ ]

Almost immediately, he can feel the increased pressure in his hand as his dick begins to swell and harden; he can definitely feel the increased pressure in his _dick_. Again, not bad - not by a long shot - but weird. And at this rate, he's starting to think the increased sensitivity might be a problem. It's getting harder to concentrate, with the strength of the tactile sensations in both his hand and his cock warring for attention in his brain.

Hopefully multiple sensory inputs like that is going to get easier to deal with, but for now it's almost overwhelming, and not in an entirely pleasant way. Carefully, he lets his hand drop to his side, and thinks for a moment, glaring down at his own erect penis and trying to think of a solution.

Well, logically, he _could_ just disengage the arousal protocols and go on with his day - a robotic body has its advantages - but at this point that would feel an awful lot like giving up. So let's see. If stroking _himself_ off is causing problems, and he's not willing to go find anyone else for help - which no, he's not - it seems like there _should_ be another solution. If only there was another _him_ that could handle things, as it were.

And he grins. Of course there's another "him."

He jumps down from the worktable, and pads barefoot across the cold floor to one of the big lockers in the corner; before long he's discovered one of the older Brobot-style chassis. An if he remembers right, it _should_ have a rudimentary AI capable of taking simple wireless commands from another computer, which technically he is...

This takes a bit longer than he might otherwise like, because apparently erections are somewhat distracting. Go figure. In good time, though, the lights behind the Brobot's eyes come on, and the metallic face swings to look at Hal.

"Ok, let's do this thing," Hal says aloud, although the important commands are being transmitted silently to the Brobot's CPU. The Brobot nods, and follows Hal back to the work table.

It soon becomes apparent that even when the partner in question is automated, this kind of thing is entirely different with a partner. Also the "handjob" application already in the Brobot's programming is pretty complicated, moreso than Hal would have necessarily expected; that has _not_ been a bit that he'd been paying attention when Dirk had programmed it.

The Brobot seems determined not just to jerk him off but to thoroughly romance him in the process, but the smooth metallic plating of the older model is somehow not as overwhelming as the feel of his own false skin, and Hal knows perfectly well that he's in control anyway. So he lets the Brobot draw him up into its lap. One cool metal arm wraps around Hal's upper chest, steadying him and tracing light touches over his skin; the other reaches down to finish the job Hal had started.

Really, the sensations are no less intense now, but Hal doesn't have to actually maintain any kind of productive action; he leans back against the Brobot's chest, letting his eyes close; at some point, he becomes aware that he's biting his lip. If he needed to breathe, he's pretty sure his breath would be coming unsteady now, but that's not a thing that this body is able to accurately imitate; instead, he tries to just focus on the moment, on the sensations. For personal record, of course... no, ok, because it feels _really good_. There's no need to dissemble now. It is, after all, just him and the Brobot, and it's not like the Brobot's going to tell anyone.

It doesn't take long before the complicated pleasure sensations come to a head, and he shudders a little under the more primitive android's touch; there's no physical emission, but a moment later he's aware of another alert behind his eyes.

_Orgasm complete. Disengaging arousal protocols._

It seems like there ought to be a better way to have that particular alert worded. Maybe he'll mention it to Dirk. If he can figure out how to bring it up in a dignified manner, that is.


End file.
